Tuk-tuk, Sir?

Wat Pho, Bangkok, Thailand

Maybe you know the song. But I will tell (sing?) the story anyway...

In south-east Asia, one must accept to be harassed all the time. The sellers try to make us buy stuff all more worthless one than another. In restaurants, they always try to get you to enter. And of course, there are the famous tuk-tuk drivers. 

Tuk-tuk Sir? You say no to the first one and the next one asks the same question. The circus goes on and on.

Problem is, at some point, you don't have a choice but to hire one of those drivers. And you need to bargain. Because they will try to get the highest price possible.

In Vietnam and Cambodia, it was easy. In Thailand, the tuk-tuk drivers are real pests. Not only they don't speak or understand english, (which is fine), but they are dishonest. 

This morning, while I was trying to get to the nearest train station to buy a ticket, two of them tried to get me as a client. I said no. "Where are you going?" they ask.

Train station, I said. "Oh! It's so far. At least 3 km", they try to trick me. I try to make them understand I'm not stupid and I keep on walking.

But since I lost a lot of time in the morning, I end up agreeing with another driver, a little bit further. We agree on 30 bahts, which is about 1 $. Of course, as soon as I'm in, the man asks : "Boom boom?". No! No boom boom... (which means sex)

The station was, in fact, very close.

While stepping down, I ask where the ticket counter is. He says I have to hop back in the tuk-tuk. In the end, he had no problem driving me away from the station where I could have got the lowest price, to a travel agency where he takes a commission. I refused to step down and I asked him to drive me back to the station.

From there, since I took the most expensive mean of transportation, i asked him to stay and drive me back in exchange for 30 more bahts.

When comes the time to pay, he wanted more money. Sorry buddy, but I don't feel like playing. I gave him 60 bahts and I turned around before he could say anything.

Later in the day, as I was half lost, knowing where I was, which is far from my hostel, but not sure exactly where I was standing, I chose a tuk-tuk again. Knowing I paid 200 bahts from a place around there to my hostel, I tell myself that I'm not gonna pay more than that.

From the start, the guy asks for 200. Didn't feel like negociating. I say it's ok. He was so surprised, the guy, that I accepted to pay that amount of money.

But on the way, like all of his colleagues, the driver stopped for an impromptu pit stop. In exchange for some gaz coupons from the owner, the "tuk-tukers" bring tourists in their stores. I knew the trick. I accepted to play if there was no more stop on the way.

Problem was I got in a store where they make suits. And of course, all the tourist pretend they are interested and must find a way to get out of there despite some insisting sellers.

On the way back, the driver asked "You, alone?" Yes! "Boom boom?" No, not boom boom!

Not short on tricks, he asked where I was going after that. "Ayutthaya, Lopburi, Chiang Mai..."

"Do you have your tickets?"

TRAP!!!! (with big neon signs flashing and at least four exclamation points) NEVER answer no to that question. He will bring you to a travel agency.

Other scam

New scam I saw coming hundreds of kilometres in advance, near a park in Bangkok. But I ended up paying anyway.

A woman was throwing corn at pigeons. When I walked by, she tried to give me food bags. I refused, but she forced me to take them saying it's for Buddah's luck.

I started walking with the bags but I refused to open them. The woman started following me and she repeated that it was for Buddah's luck. She ended up tearing the bags and pouring the corn in my hands. What was I supposed to do at that point? Threw it all on the ground. And then? "Pay money!"

Of course! It was inevitable... How much? 150 bahts (5 $)!

Pffft! I gave 30 bahts while the women where asking for some "notes". Ask as much as you want, I'm not very flexible with scammers.

I left, and when I turned around, the two women where laughing. So as bitter as I am, I'll say that one of them, if it was really a woman, looked like the half-dog, half man (!) character in Spaceballs, that 1987 success movie. If I'm right, the "animal" was played by John Candy. Take that! No more mister Nice Guy... (And that probably means bad karma coming my way.)