The Return

When all your life fits in a 65 litres bag...

It's a great thing to go, but after a while, one needs to go back home. Or not! But let's say one has to... Nobody will react the same way.

Some people will need psychological help really fast. Others will get down the plane like they would get down the bus. Because there is more than one way to return.

Those friends I met on the road, like me, had the same theory. When you know the deadline, you condition yourself, slowly but surely, to the inevitable.

But comes an uncomfortable "bipolarity". Probably inevitable also. Immense joys, long awaited reunions, holy peace to enjoy. Some dark moments as well, of inexplicable loneliness, even after six months on the road... alone, of sadness you can't describe with words.

You realize the notion of "home" has changed. The ties are breaking down. That independance acquired will inevitably lead you somewhere else. After so many goodbyes, you put in perspective those links which become entangled and hold us back.

You realize you've changed. Point-blank. A little bit in other's eyes. But what really changed is not hidden in what others see. It's there, but they won't see. And they get worried about it.


Returning home is surrounding ourselves with people who won't understand. Point-blank. Without blaming them. Just because they were not there. It's feeling trapped with our memories, our new values, our reconstructed identity. And we feel at least releaved, light, to reunite with our traveling partners. Like when we reunite with lifelong friends. Because we live in the same world. We leave from the same point to get somewhere else. We are there, that's all. Sigh of relieve.

The return, it's seeing the outline of the mold, the underskirts which exceed, the steam roller that rushes fast. It's battling every day no to sink in facility, not to embrace the outline of that mold.

"You'll see, with time, everything will come back like before", I'm told.

No! I dont want to go back to "before". Because we're not "before" anymore. Because there is more ahead.

If there is one thing to understand with all those differences I saw, it's that everything is always possible.

One just needs to overcome disorientation induced by change. Wanting to do everything now, to see everything, but not knowing where to start. Realizing even more that one life won't be enough. That some choices will have to be made.

I know, that portrait of the return seems really "grey". Like a painting of a sad clown (or a painting of any clown), it may make you feel uneasy. What's great about coming from an adventure that forced us to deprogram ourselves, it's to live moments of truth, authenticity. We live moments of distress like moments of happiness like they come, without holding them back, because we learned to live day by day. And it goes away!

One day at a time, nice statement that can cure every problem. Because the past is gone, the future is stressful. Just need to know we're going somewhere.