One year later

One year ago, Gilly first set his feet in
 Newark for a stopover

There you go. A whole calendar. An anniversary. A last nostalgic assessment on a year closing the circle even if I won't shut up about my trips.

One year ago today, with a little shoulder bag heavy from the uncertainty of the ones who are jumping into nothingness, with the concern I had left something important behind, with a big cold, I must say, and the fatigue of a world and a half on my shoulders, I locked the door of my appartment to conquer to world. I indubitably left my old life behind. I was letting go saying to myself that I might not want to hang on ever again to that old life.

One year ago, not naive enough to ignore those 183 days coming at me that fast had surprises in store for me, I stared in the future eyes accepting to trust it. One year ago, I traded my old life.

Today is another anniversary too. Six months! Six months ago, my brain let go. Went back to his cartesian habits not to atrophy itself by going back to the routine mold. He knew he was pretending, but chose to ignore that.

Six months ago, that fate I was staring at hit me in the face to show me I was back hom0e. It hurt me a little, too, to remind me I was still alive no matter what.

Sometimes people say it takes as long as you were gone to really get back from a trip. Six months after a round-the-world trip in six months, I should be fine. "Cured". Maybe! Anyway! Better, at least.

One year later, my hair turning white fast, I feel like I got 10 years older at once. As fast as I put my weight back on after I came back. Not everybody likes to travel. But everyone would have something to gain from doing it.

No, there is no such thing as eternal happiness. Especially while traveling, make no mistake. You get lost, you get angry at all those scamers, your belly aches, you fall sick, often you understand nothing, sometimes you don't eat or eat really disgusting stuff. But you love it anyway. Because!

I ended up turning that page, in part. To come back "completely". But I regret nothing. Nor the good moments. Neither the friends I still talk to everyday.  Nor the pain. Neither all those questions I asked myself. I went on a journey of thousands of kilometres, in the real world and in my head. I felt alive more than ever. I felt something, point blank.

I still believe in that resilience that has nothing to do with the weight of time. It doesn't come from resentment, but because we know there is something better.

The pain! Yes. There is that physical pain the body forgets. That pain that comes out and we send flying while paying the price. There is the sneaky one in the soul. Stabbing and sneaky, which envelops us and hit at the base of the skull. It embraces and rocks you with a smooth intensity screaming out. It makes you crazy, irritates but won't heal. When coming back especially. But it grows tired of torturing you, tired of winning every time on that physical pain the body forgets. It fades out with the promise to stay close enough, just in case you'd forget to forget.

Yes, coming back takes a long time. Yes, you cross an emotional desert. But you feel alive.

One year ago, I took the best decision ever. I still talk to the me I was then to find that capacity I had to choose to change my daily life. I try not to forget, to build, to believe like on the day I came back that dreams can come true.

Still have that impression nobody will understand. Not to be snob. Just because nobody was there with me, full time. Deal with it. Still people gaze jealously, get narrow-minded comments, people sighs when I talk about new traveling projects.

I wrote it when I came back, in a post that still plays with the broken side of my heart : I will disappear at one point. Tomorrow, in a week, in a month, in a year... Because there is a whole world, out there, I still need to explore. And I won't let it run away from me.

I'm told to leave some for the others. To pass my turn. Or people say : traveling again! Like I shouldn't.

Deal with it! My life, I'm the one living it. Point blank. No way I'm gonna compromise.

That's what happens when you come back, too. You know who you still want around you.

Now that I learned to smile more, and to pretend sometimes, I know that fear, age, money, family won't be good reasons not to go. One can take off. There are planes leaving each day for every corner of the world. Leaving. Live with the consequences after. But consequences, in the end, are only positive. A transformed life. Because we always fall back on our feet, even if it takes a week or six months to do so.

There are planes leaving each day for every corner of the world. And I plan on taking off again and again.

For those asking the question, karma is still playing tricks on me. I send it to hell as much as I embrace it when it helps me. But it taught me to smile when small bad lucks occur in life. One can say it got me with time.

And no, TAP Airlines never answered my complaint letter. Neither did they to the two or three emails I sent different addresses for a follow up. Looks like I am still bitter from that one.

And yes, I still have to make some photo albums and have a lot of stories to tell about those 20 countries I visited in a short time. Maybe it's not true, in the end, to say one can't buy happiness...